I’ve been thinking about how I’d like to remember CHARLES.  I knew him for sixteen years, and during that time he both didn’t change at all and changed a lot.  Somewhere about 2005 he began to get older: he got tireder, more likely to fall asleep, and started needing scooters to get around conventions.  He found that the late nights took more out of him, and so the late nights on the back deck at Locus became shorter affairs.

Today I looked for photos of him, ones that fit the CHARLES I knew the most.  I stumbled across this one. It was taken in June of 2002, I think. It was a few months after we’d agreed I was to become reviews editor and not that long before I headed over for Con Jose.  Shortly, Marianne, a toddler named Jessica, and a baby named Sophie would pile in for a few days, inhabiting his downstairs and consuming his home for a while, all of which he graciously absorbed like the patriarch he was.

So this is the image of him I’ll keep: alert, full of life, completely himself, and with some of the best years of our friendship in front of us. I think of him every day.

Today has been all about Charles.  He died yesterday and yet, because he lived so far away and because I only saw him once a year (though I’m gladder than I can say that I saw him twice last year) it seems impossible to believe that he is gone.  He has been an enormous presence in my life for more than fifteen years: friend, mentor, colleague, and so much more. I have spent so long talking about Charles that my voice is almost gone.  There’s so much I want to say, so much that should be said, but I can’t seem to find the words right now.  So, let me say this about my friend.  He was the most honest and trust worthy person I have met. He was fierce and loyal and kind and generous. The things that he loved, he loved totally: art, music, food, science fiction, people. His life was an inspiration and his death is a challenge.

Do I have stories about Charles? I don’t know. We mugged and took silly photos in a Boston art gallery. We finished the last of Heinlein’s scotch together.  We ‘bigged’ up on airplane so we could scare taking the middle seat on the plane.  And he wanted to teach. Teach me how to cook turkey, how to drink scotch, how to read a book, how to … everything.  He loved life and a lot of it loved him back.

When I’ve had the chance to think I will try to say something about him and SF. He loved it, and deeply. More importantly, he believed in it and its intrinsic importance. He also did everything he could to influence it, to make it what he thought it should be. He published Locus to influence the field. He ran the Locus Awards to influence (by example) the Hugos. He edited more novels than anyone will ever know, either before they ever got to a publisher or once they had been accepted.  And in some of those places he loved best – the restaurant dinners, the bars, the deep and secret places – he talked about science fiction, he influenced decision makers with the force of his vision about the field, and sometimes he changed what they did (and sometimes he didn’t).  Whatever else may be true, Charles entered the field in the 1950s and left it yesterday, a changed place better for him having been a part of it.

Yesterday I got a phone call I knew had to come one day, and yet hoped would never arrive. My friend – curmudgeonly uncle, older brother, second father, best friend – Charles Brown died in his sleep. We were ‘guys’ together. We shared a love of science fiction, music, scotch, and so much more. Like the science fiction field he loved (more than anyone else I knew), I have lost family.

Dang. The whole ‘burnt out’ thing is bringing things down here a bit, yes? Meh! That’s what I say to being burnt out. I spit in its eye. We shall find the fun, and get ready for Sydney, San Francisco, Montreal and Melbourne with a glint in our eye and smile on our faces.

The weekend was mega-meh. Spent time with the most beautiful girls in the world, which was good: serious, important time where we threw a ball around the garden, sat outside in the sun and read stories, and stuff like that (see how I omit several truly impressive tantrums etc to, instead, focus on the family building stuff?).

Did I get work done? Honey, I go work done. Eclipse Three introduction – done! Not very interesting, but done! Story notes for same – done! Story note format for Conquering Swords – done! Budget review for Eclipse Three – done!  Subterranean special issue stuff – done! I’m waiting on a few details to come together, but I should be finished with Eclipse Three and have it delivered by 24 July (a week before it *has* to be in). When it’s done and sent it I’ll post the groovy Richard Powers cover and the table of contents here.

Did I get to relax? Well, not so much. Watched a little cricket, grabbed dim sum on Saturday with the family, and that was about it. Of course, for me, that’s doing pretty well these days. I intend to split next weekend between family and project completion, and the following between trip prep. and family. Get some time in before the plane.

Let me tell you how emotionally drained I have become of late, how perilously close to total burn out that I am.  I am listening to old Dr Hook songs for laughs. No. Seriously. I really think that puts it in context, yes?

The weekend is upon us and I’m diving into the finishing touches for Eclipse Three which must be finished very, very soon. That means sitting down and writing the introduction (have I told you how I dislike writing anthology introductions?) and the author notes for the book. It also means doing the line edits and formatting.  How am I going? Well, if I had to, I could hand in the book tomorrow. I’m not going to because someone who is totally worth waiting for is supposed to get me a story any second now. I’m also vacilating on some legal / copyright  stuff that I’m discussing with the publisher which, frankly, has me very worried. We’re too small to get a lawyer to check things, so we’re trying to be as careful as we can.

Other than that, I’m now less than three weeks away from a plane to Sydney.  I’m developing pre-trip tunnel vision. I know what I need to get done before I go, and I’m parsing the tasks to be sure they’re completed.  I’m also checking budgets, balancing this and that, and all in all going nuts. I’ll be cool though.

I also got a new PC this week. Big, fast and beautiful which frankly runs like a complete piece of crap.  Beautiful screen. Great TV reception.  Can’t run spellcheck in Word without dying. This is not the time I need to be messing with such things. sigh.  I’ll remember for next time.  More soon!