Birthdays are weird

For as long as I can remember,  my birthdays have been weird, a little fraught, a little difficult. I do not really enjoy them. Maybe it’s because I was born in a leap year, or maybe I’m difficult, or maybe I don’t get why everyone wants to make a fuss. Maybe it feels a bit like a test I’m going to fail. Who knows?  But something usually goes wrong, someone or someones usually go away upset, and the whole thing feels stressful.

Even when I have a good birthday — and I’ve had good ones — they are complicated. Maybe it’s because I don’t really like to celebrate the things I do or make a big point of things that put me at the centre, but birthdays sort of make me uncomfortable.

So, it’s my 60th birthday tomorrow and there was a possibility of there being a huge fuss, which I was concerned about. Mostly it made me think about how everyone else would feel, how they would react, the chance for people to be hurt or offended. And so, a year ago, for the first time I took a little control.

I booked a place for lunch — a brewpub we like that isn’t special, but we’ve been to a bunch and is fine and not too expensive — and have mostly discouraged gifts (I honestly don’t want much at this age).  Keep it low profile. Don’t make a big fuss. Don’t spend a lot of money on the whole affair. Make it something we can get through without too much drama. And that’s what I’m hoping for tomorrow — not too much drama.  If I get through the day with that it’ll be ok.



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