So I have the office iPad at home for the weekend again, and I find myself still in the like-not-love stage with it. The keyboard is ok, but I find myself not really wanting to type too much with it, and every now and then I come across something in flash, which it won’t play with, which is a nuisance. Still, it is pretty. If I owned the iPad I’d persist, but having the luxury to occasionally pla means I do just that. I may fall in love, but not yet.

In other news, had a nice day yesterday. Got out and socialised a bit, which I needed. Saw Alisa for lunch, then the dinner gang evening. Today is podcasting, column edits, and proposal sort of stuff. I’m behind, but still swinging.

I’m sitting on my patio at my sister’s patio table, which we are housesitting (erm….tablesitting?) till she returns from her sojourn to Melbourne. She left for three years a couple weeks ago, so it’ll be here a while.  It’s been a bright, sunny winter’s day, but the sun is going down and it’s slowly turning colder. The Bureau says it’s about sixteen degrees centigrade.

I’m sitting out here, drinking beer and goofing off on the internet while Jessica (aged 10) sits beside me and doesn’t write in her diary. I think she wants to write in it, but she struggles with her writing and with getting her ideas down.  She still loves the idea of it, though.  Marianne and Sophie (aged almost-9) are both off on a walk with some of Sophie’s friends, so it’s quiet here.

I’m drinking beer because all of the preparations for Aussiecon 4 are weighing on me a little.  While I usually do these things solo, this time I’m taking a whole caravanserai of family to the big event.  This is a good thing, but I’m sufficiently immature that I feel responsible for everyone’s good time.  What are we going to do? How far from everything is the venue? And so on and so on.

I’m also, I confess, in something of a down-cycle confidence-wise. Today has for me been driven by self-doubt, worry that the publishing cycle may finally be ready to pass me by and so on.  The evidence for this, the driving motivators are sleight, and I’m sure the people around me would be surprised that I see it that way. I think everyone else thinks I think I’m more successful than I think I am, which is probably way too circuitous a construction. Still, I’ve always tried to let the work speak for itself (perhaps not the most 21st C sort of thought).

Where are things at and how do I feel about them? Well, Life on Mars, Engineering Infinity and Godlike Machines are all in and done (for variations of ‘done’). I think they’re all good books. Strong stories from good writers.  I’m not sure which the world will love the most, but they all have strengths.  I’m currently tussling with Under My Hat and Eclipse Four, and on the cusp with both the year’s best and a couple other things.  I’m probably most confident about ‘Hat’ and most worried about the year’s best, but they’ll all come out in the end.

So why the crisis of confidence? No real reason. I think I need to spin some ideas, see some people and just move through the conversation that is the field in flux. Maybe, for all of it’s accompanying issues, I really need the upcoming con. Flush the cylinders a bit, get back on track. We’ll see.

I suspect girliejones would find this mildly unbelievable given her own deadline situation, but I’ve been struggling to focus on editing work this past while. I got to the end of a large batch of copyedits and so on, and then I just sort of went south. I know there’s work to do – I need to get some contracts out to people, focus on a couple projects which need nudging along, and I have to do a lot of reading. I just don’t feel…motivated. I’m drifting. Still, the girls are out at a birthday party today so my plan is to record the podcast this morning, then do the contracts and other paperwork that’s sitting around and then get on to Locus editing. When that’s done, I might ponder proposals I think.

I’ve also, again, been pondering World Fantasy. If anything I feel less like going than ever. I still won’t decide until WorldCon, but the cost balanced against the number of stopovers etc really doesn’t inspire me to do it. I would normally have spent some time in Oakland with Charles but, while I know I’m welcome and have friends there, it’s just not the same. I used to arrive and just collapse. Charles and I would sit around and talk for days and not do much else.  That’s not an option any longer so I do need to ponder. Anyhow, podcasting next….

The weekend before last Ian Nichols and I met up to discuss Legends of Australian Fantasy, editing, science fiction, and the upcoming Hugo Awards. The article ran in The West Australian this morning and I’m grateful to Ian (if a little embarrassed, to be honest) for making me seem at least semi-literate.